Thursday, 14 January 2010

Involuntary detox

Why thank you, yes, I have lost weight. 


By following my very own weight loss plan.  It goes thus:

Days 1 - 31    Acquire (and hang onto - this is important) a severe chest infection.  This will start you off properly by helping you to lose your appetite and begin toning up all the muscles in your upper body as you cough for hours on end.  Make sure you have at least two courses of antibiotics during this premiminary period.

Days 32 -35   Pick up a bout of post-antibiotic gastroenteritis.  Spend 72 hours in bed, shivering, vomiting with terrifying suddenness and running (carefully) to the toilet.  Eat nothing but one banana and a bowl of plain rice (on Day 35) during this period.  Make sure you drink lots of water to make all those trips to the toilet worthwhile, though.

Day 36   Weigh yourself and go "Hmmmm.....lost a stone."

I might write a book.  It's clearly a very successful method.

I can almost see my cheekbones again.  Almost.


Mrs Jones said...

Of course the sad part is that illness-induced weightloss is never permanent. Unless you have cancer, which is generally not a good way to lose weight so I don't recommend it.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

The Devil Wears Prada...Emily Blunt says she is one stomach flu away from her goal weight, which was probably a negative number. Glad you can almost see your cheekbones.