Thursday, 15 January 2009


Things I have seen on my travels to work this week include:

1) Incredibly glamorous girl with two-inch-long deep scarlet fingernails, which she fiddled with constantly as we travelled to Victoria, clicking them against each other with an oddly loud noise.

2) Man with more facial piercings than I have ever seen in my life, including in crappy science fantasy films and on heavy metal album covers. He must have had about 50, including stuff in patterns under the skin to make big lumps. Seriously, deeply intimidating. I saw him as I got onto the Tube, then had to stand with my back to him because it was honestly too much for me. He had at least 15 big rings in and around his lips, many with metal balls and things on them. He looked terrifying.

3) Continuing the scary theme, several large, very fresh pools of blood at Waterloo station, at the foot of the concourse escalators, next to the Help point. It was half covered in bits of paper, presumably to try and shield it from the hundreds of commuters thronging past, surrounded by tape, with two policemen standing next to it. The bloke in the newspaper vending place right beside it was gamely trying to sell papers and pretend he wasn't standing next to a scene from CSI Railway Station.

4) Incredibly farty bloke on the train this evening. This was more of a smelled- than saw- but it was most unpleasant. He was sitting there watching tv on his laptop, swigging cider, munching his way through a bag of mini Cheddars, farting liberally and foully all the way to Salisbury. Stinky bastard.

How was your day?


Spencer said...

Not too good really. I was paid by a senior member of a vampire house to deliver his weekend supply of blood through a courier I was supposed to meet at Waterloo station. Whilst awaiting my contact I was jostled by a glamourous looking woman who accidentally sunk her two inch long nails into my cargo, spilling it all over the floor. At that precise moment my courier appeared, a nasty vampire cultist with more piercings than you can count. Fearing for my life as I had failed in my duty, I polymorphed into a flatuant bloke to avoid detection and rode home in ambiguity, munching on cheddars and drinking cider.

livesbythewoods said...

I meant to ask how the Underworld delivery job was going. Sorry to hear your day was as weird as mine. What are the odds?

Caro said...

You forgot to sit in the no farting section I assume.

As far as piercing guy, if he attacked you could start ripping out his piercings. That would hurt enough to stop him, right?