Tuesday, 13 May 2008


I am now a stabbing statistic.

Admittedly, by my own hand. Indeed, through my own hand. Don't hands bleed a lot? Hurts like, well, like something that has had a big knife stuck in it.

How did it happen?

Obviously through my own carelessness and stupidity. I was taking the stone out of an avocado (if you've ever had a near miss doing this, I bet you're wincing already) and was stupidly holding the half an avocado in my left hand as I stuck the tip of a huge fuck-off kitchen knife into the stone with my right hand.

And of course, the knife slipped. Who'd have thought that could happen, on a slippery, round, hard avocado stone? *tch*

The tip of the huge, pointy, sharp knife, stuck straight into the fleshy part of my hand, just above the thumb, and made quite a neat, deep hole. Which bled. And bled. And bled some more.

It has now stopped bleeding (cold water, pressure, elevation, the Girl Guides were good for something after all) and now has a large plaster stuck over it.

Hope I can drive tomorrow without bleeding again.

What an idiot.


B.E. Earl said...

So your guacamole tasted a bit like human blood, eh?

Interesting choice. ;)

livesbythewoods said...

Vampire salads. It's the next big thing.

Slyde said...

whenever i hear stories about this it makes me think of the 4th of July barbeque when i was a kid, and my dad was trying to use a marshmellow skewer to seperate 2 frozen hamburger patties..

the thing went completely thru his hand and we had to spend the day in the emergency room. good times!

Mr Farty said...

Oyah! Try slamming a car door on your finger, it'll take your mind off the stab wound. Works for me anyway.

livesbythewoods said...

Slyde, I am still thanking my lucky stars I didn't end up with a ventilated hand.

Mr F, thanks. I'll try it.