So, as I had a gap between meetings today, I tried to call the bank to notify them that I have changed employers.
I know from long experience that calling the Salisbury branch of Natwest is harder than it should be, not least because I don't have a direct number for them. Not that I looked very hard, to be honest.
Anyhoo, I had a "helpdesk" number written in my diary, so I rang that.
Natwest Male Helper: Hello, Natwest, how can I help you?
Me: Hello. I need to let my bank know I have changed employers, please.
NMH: Of course. Can I have your account number? (I give him the number) Thank you. Please confirm your full name (I do so). Thank you. Please can you give me the third and fifth digit of your telephone banking security code?
Me: No, I can't, sorry.
NWM: Aaaah, lots of people don't like giving out their security numbers on the phone.
Me: No, I mean I don't know it, sorry.
NMH: Ok, well, I will pass you across to my colleague who can help you. She will want to know a few more security details, though.
Me: That's fine. (annoying Muzac while he transfers me to his colleague)
Natwest Female Helper: (Very very cheerfully) Hello there! I understand you want us to do a banking services review for you so you can find out how to save money!
Me: Um. No. I want to tell you who I work for now so you can update my account details.
NFH: (brightly) Oh, that's all been done! Now, let's do this review!
Me: It hasn't been done. I didn't even get to tell your colleague who I work for now.
NFH: (Slightly less brightly) Oh. Well, what did my colleague actually do for you?
Me: Nothing. He asked for my account details then passed me over to you.
NFH: Ok, not to worry. Can I have your full name please? (I give her my full name) Oh. This is odd.
Me: What is?
NFH: When did you change your name? I have a different name on my system for you.
Me: I changed my name when I got married, almost 15 years ago. All my bank stuff is in my married name.
NFH: Are you sure?
Me: (Losing what little remaining patience I had left with this farce) Yes. I tell you what. I will go into Salisbury sometime and do this face-to-face. I think it will be easier.
NFH: (Brightly) Yes, you can do that if you want to.
Other news: Saw an Elric lookalike almost get run over by a cyclist outside Victoria station. A new one on me.