Extra long honkers

I've been looking at some of the search terms people have used to get to my blog.  Many of them are as you might expect - "home made cake," "lives in the woods,"  "extraordinarily talented unpublished authors of the twenty-first century" - but some are just utterly pure genius bonkers.

For example:

Elven tea.  As far as I know I have never offered recipes for any elven food or beverages, certainly not tea.  Perhaps I ought to start a cookery suggestions section for all the non-human races.  Elven tea.  Gnome quiche.  Orc battenburg.  Troll eclairs.  Fairy cakes.  Heh.  I do remember ranting about the bastard elves in Iceland who threaten to break your legs if you upset them.  Maybe that's what they were looking for.

god for harry.  Marvellous. I am attracting semi-literate people who are keen on Shakespeare.  Or Kenneth Branagh.  Or who are frantically researching Henry V for their homework, up against a deadline.  Either way, hello, non-capitalising culture fans.  Bet this wasn't what you were looking for, eh?

have a proper cold.  I like that this sounds like an order.  For goodness sake, stop sniffling and whining and just have a proper cold, can't you?  Sheesh.  No, blood pouring from your ears doesn't count.  Nor does the broken bone poking through your shin.  Come back when you have a temperature, blocked sinuses and a red shiny nose, not before.  Timewaster.

Yellow circles malta bird intrigues me.  I can't imagine what that person is looking for.  If it was you, please drop a comment and tell me.  I bet you were mighty pissed off when all you found were photos of my terrible tie-dyed sheets and some holiday snaps of Malta.  Fool.

Dalek blown up toilet seat is another mystery.  Dalek, yes.  Toilet seat, yes.  Both of those subjects have made at least one appearance on here.  Both together?  Unlikely.  Mental.

Extra long honkers.  This one made me laugh out loud, and I Googled it myself.  All I found out was that it refers to one of the magazines read by Scruffy the Janitor in Futurama, along with "Zero G Juggs."  Don't say you never learn anything here.  It could also possibly be referring to the many and varied duck/goose decoy honkers which I have commented on in the past.  However,  I prefer to imagine disappointed cartoon porn magazine seekers finding this blog, and becoming interested in cake and car problems despite themselves.




Look, the hilarious picture of honkers that I took waaaaaay back when we were in Maine last summer,  remember? Yeah you do.

In other news:  Business plans are gathering pace, to the extent that I am going to be in touch with an accountant next week.  More news once stuff is signed.  But it's all very exciting.

Football

That's what Malta has been over the last 1500 years, it seems.

We went to Victoria today and did a cultural trip round a wide variety of museums - the Archaeology Museum, the Folklore Museum, the Prison Museum and the natural History Museum.

One of them (can't remember which, sorry) has a timeline showing who had invaded Malta and when. You name them, they were here. Romans, Greeks, Turks, Normans, Spaniards, more Turks, Knights of St John, more Turks. Lord, it was complicated.

All of which were great, but rather paled into insignificance besides the Citadel, where they are housed. I took many photos. There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil.

Apart from that, have been swimming, played in the jacuzzi, annoyed some Germans (result!) by switching on all the cascades, water jets and other toys in the pool, and saw two different types of lizard.

A full and rich day.

This hotel is great. We had vodka martinis before dinner. WIth three (yes, three) olives. Mmmmm. Booze.

And Portsmouth are the FA champions. My nephew will be pleased.

Abroad

Guess where I am? Not in Wiltshire, for a start.

No, I am in Malta, on the island of Gozo to be exact, in a v fantastic hotel. It is lovely. I may never come back. Especially as I can get internet access.

There are palm trees, the sun is shining, the food is delicious and the people are lovely. The place is incredible. Our room is bigger than the flat I lived in as a student. Seriously.

We had a looooong day travelling yesterday, well, from Thursday really, as we drove up to a hotel near Heathrow, and our flight was on Friday morning. But, all things considered, it was a very straightforward trip. Even the security at the airport wasn't too horrible. And all out luggage arrived here with us. Yay.

We flew to Malta, then got picked up by a taxi at the airport and driven at hair-raising speed across the island to the Gozo ferry, had a lovely sunshiny crossing to Gozo, then another taxi across this island to our hotel.

Maltese driving - it's an eye-opener alright.

Our driver overtook anything and everything, on blind bends, going up steep hills, on the wrong side of the road, on junctions....you name it, he did it. As did all the other drivers. Horns was deployed continually, nobody used their indicators once as far as I saw, and yet everyone managed to stay on the road and relatively undamaged.

I don't think we'll be hiring a car while we're here.

We have had the world's best breakfast* and are going to go and meet the dive people in a little while, as Mr WithaY has a few days diving booked. I am going to check out the spa at the hotel and see about getting a massage maybe, and a pedicure (I have this funky new nail varnish to try out). And then, to the pool, to watch the plam trees sway in the breeze and listen to Def Leppard on my iPod.

I am having a great time.




*They had everything. You could, if you wanted, have had poached eggs, waffles with chocolate sauce, porridge, cheese, dried banana and baked beans. Garnished with an iced doughnut.