Wednesday, 3 November 2010


This stats thing is horribly compelling.  Not the numbers, I ignore those now I know that the majority of my dedicated readership are crouched in some vile scam den in the Ukraine, trying to steal credit card numbers or sell their sisters to lonely vulnerable men in the UK.

No, the numbers can fuck right off.  But the keyword search, well, that's a very different story indeed.

This week, apparently, I have been discovered by people using the following search expressions:

1)  5000 chicken birds how much feets shed wanted hopw much mony   Ok....what?  "5000 chicken birds" I can sort of understand.  "How much" I can get a handle on.  Maybe someone wants to buy some chickens to start up a poultry farm.  Perfectly reasonable.  Then it goes off the rails slightly.  "Feets shed wanted" is bewildering.  "Shed wanted" again fits with the chicken farm there.  "Feets" is a red herring, thrown in to no purpose.  The "hopw much mony" again relates to the chicken farmer theme, albeit one who can't spell. 

2)  moose come out frome woods  If this is a statement, it is incorrect.  If it is a question, the answer is "no, moose do NOT come out of Frome Woods."  As far as I know, there are no moose in the woods round here, or around Frome.  Walk in peace, my friends, fear not random moose attacks in Somerset. 

3)  what animals lives in woods?  Oh gosh.  Mice.  Voles.  Deer.  Badgers.  Foxes.  Rabbits.  Toads.  And of course, famously, bears.  No moose though.  Not round here. 

4)  the difference in a person hat lives in the woods and a country   Hmm, now this is challenging.  I'm assuming it's a "town mouse, country mouse" kind of thing, and leave it at that.

5)  horror veg carving is my favourite so far.  It pretty much sums up a good percentage of this blog, and is also the name of my first death metal album, when I get round to making it. 

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