May I take your trident, sir?

Having been made aware of the "stats" part of Blogger, including the "Who uses what phrases to find this blog" feature, I was rather alarmed to find that someone located me by googling this phrase:

"is cavity insulatyion appropriate by the seaside"

Reader, if you're out there, I have no clue.  Not a scooby.  Also, why, WHY do you need to know?  Are you planning on insulating a sandcastle?  Are you a hermit crab who feels a bit chilly?  My advice is to use seaweed.

The last week has been a bit emotional, and completely exhausting, hence yet another long hiatus between posts. 

The still-ongoing SSFH* fallout continues.  Mr WithaY and I had a meeting with our local MP on Friday, which was interesting, if a bit stressful.  He was extremely kind, and is going to help us as much as he can. 

We were early, so were invited in to sit in the bar of the Conservative Club to wait.  An elderly gentleman was sat at a table, smart in a blazer and cravat, waiting to see the MP too.  He was chatting to one of the staff there.  He was ANGRY about many things.  And loud. 

"People speeding - that's so antisocial.  They should be stopped on sight by the police."  (I think he said "stopped" - he may have said "shot".  Either seemed appropriate, given his outrage.)

The barman chappie nodded politely, clearly not very interested.  Encouraged, the old gentleman expanded on his theme.

"Littering!  That's another thing!  People who litter are the lowest of the low!  It should be a criminal offence!"  (I think it might be, actually, but he was on a roll...nobody was going to try to stop him.)

"And people who litter from cars!  Throwing rubbish out of the windows!  They should be stopped on sight and fined - a hundred pounds.  For a first offence."  I was intrigued as to where his scale of fines had come from.  He'd obviously given it some thought. 

The barman nodded again, rearranging crisps in a silent and discouraging manner. 

"And for a second offence...."  the cravat-wearer paused, thinking what would be suitable punishment for a second offence, then triumphantly came up with:  "They should have their car confiscated. On the spot.  And then crushed."

Yes, crushing cars is an ideal way to prevent littering.  Just don't chuck the crushed cars in the river afterwards.

In sombre work-related news, I found out on Friday that our Department is planning to shed between 30 and 40 percent of staff over the next two years.  I have to say, the thought of being paid off is rather appealing at the moment.  It would save me 6 hours travelling a day on the 3 days a week I am in London, would save me £5000-ish a year on my train ticket, plus the bus fares etcetera etcetera etcetera** and would save me a lot of stress. 

Of course, having no money coming in would open up a whole new world of different stress, but at least I'd be doing that in the comfort of my own home. 

It's definitely something to consider.

I was sat at my desk on Tuesday, eating my lunch, when I realised what I was doing.

Yes, dear readers, I was eating apple sauce with a spoon.

When did I turn into Ruprecht?

Better news though, possibly as a result of the apple sauce.  I put on one of my suits for the meeting on Friday.  I did the trousers up.  The trousers fell straight back down again, in approved Carry On Film stylee.  If Mr WithaY had been playing a Swanee whistle, it would have been perfect. 

I tried on a different suit.  Those trousers fell down. 

I tried on all my suits, including one that I bought two years ago, tried on, was too fat for, so hung in the wardrobe and forgot about***.  All of them were too big.

Inspired, I then tried on the outfit I wore when we got married, 16 long, long, oh so very long years ago.  I wouldn't wear it if I was going out for a big dinner, but it was perfectly wearable.  So hurrah.

But I need some new suits.  Bugger.









*Shit Storm From Hades.  I promise to be less crypic once it's all over.

**(c) King of Siam

***because clearly I wasn't going to go to all the bother of sending it back, was I?