Sunday, 27 December 2009


Today you get a photo bonanza*.  It's a rather eclectic mixture, as I haven't uploaded stuff from my camera for a while.  Lucky old you, eh?

In chronological order we have:

1)  The festive decorations outside the garden supply and aquatic shop.  The deer are there all year round, Santa is a seasonal addition.  I think the red noses are also seasonal, but to be honest I am not sure now I look at it again.

2) A seemingly innocent diorama spotted in the window of a charming dolls house shop in Chichester.  I did a double-take, then sneaked a photo.  Whoever dressed the window is a genius. 

Yes, she is wearing a basque and stockings.  And, as Mr WithaY pointed out, her nipples are very realistically painted.  Sorry about the flash bounce but you get the idea.  I think everyone ought to go and buy miniature furniture and whatnot from the shop by way of applause. 

3)  Some rather impressive icebound cobwebs on a garden ornament at Father-in-law WithaY's nursing home.  It was on the day of the Terrifying Ice.  At least it was pretty. 

I did a close-up as well, it was so beautiful. 

Like Narnia.  But in Wiltshire.

4)  Fish!  We have more fish in our tank.  Today we went and got some freshwater shrimp, which move at the speed of light around the tank; all the other fish are shit scared of them, it seems.  They will eat algae and help keep the tank clean.  We got five of those, they are very pretty, and, despite being fish, very appealing. 

We also got five Leopard Cory, which zip about like mad things, often crashing into the shrimp.  They also eat algae, so we will have the cleanest tank in the world, with any luck. 

Just in case we don't, though, we got a glass cleaner thingy which is powered by MAGNETS. I feel like a super-villain now.

I took more, but Mr WithaY has banned me from using the flash so they were all blurry and shite.  Sorry.

5)  Readers of a nervous disposition may wish to look away at this point. 

As I have mentioned previously, we have the remains of a large roast turkey in our kitchen, along with half the population of the UK**, I imagine.  Look:

Mmm, leftovers.

I decided to make a curry (using the Malasian curry mixes sent by Middle Sis), duly donned an apron, picked up the carving knife, and set to with gusto.

Too much gusto.

See that single slice through the leg joint at the top of the picture there?  If you look closely you will see*** that there is a finger-shaped gap in the underside of it. 

I literally made the first incision, the knife slipped and I made a huge deep cut in my left hand index finger.  Fuck me it bled.  There was blood on the floor, on the butchers block where the turkey sat, on the edge of the turkey plate, on the knife, on my slippers, in the sink.  None on the turkey, though. 

I ran to the sink, put my hand under the cold tap, and shrieked for Mr WithaY.  He was cleaning the fishtank gravel so had to stop that, dry off and then run into the kitchen to see what was going on.  His first question was "What have you done?"   I thought it was fairly obvious, what with the huge fuck-off knife and all the blood, but no.

The knife in question:

It's about 10 inches long**** and razor sharp.  Given my track record, I am lucky I didn't manage to stab myself in the head with it, I suppose. 

Mr WithaY was initially very sympathetic, but has more recently taken to waggling his stump at me and making "But did I tell you about this?" noises at me if I whinge that my finger hurts. 

So.  No curry making.  I sat on the sofa and watched the original version of "Miracle on 34th Street" instead.  Much nicer. 

Cold turkey for supper, I think. 

*Sorry, no cowboys though.

**I mean half the population also have cold turkey in their kitchen, not that half the population of the UK is IN our kitchen.  That would be inconvenient.  We'd run out of chairs after 8 of them arrived. 

***No you won't.

****15 if you're a bloke.


Mr Farty said...


Waggling his stump at you? How much Xmas sherry has Mr WithaY had, exactly?

Nice cobweb, btw.

Isabella Golightly said...

Very nice cobweb, and nice basque, too. Whoda thunk those little people got up to stuff like that? Sympathy for the finger, I did a similar thing very recently with a rotary cutter. Ditto on the blood, agony & comprehensive lack of sympathy from Mr Golightly. Merry whatever.

Dan said...

I loved the icewebs. I didn't love the finget thing. I hope your feeling a bit better now? And I had no idea about your other half loosing some of his. I read that story and felt ill.

livesbythewoods said...

Mr F, I am thankful he only waggled his stump, frankly.

Isabell, tell me more about the rotary cutter, it sounds positively agricultural.

Dan, sorry to give you the collywobbles. It's all thrills out here you know.

Anonymous said...

Shame you didn't bleed all over the turkey and then you would have had the excuse to throw the bloody thing away! I've still got a turkey leg (sans thigh) sitting in my fridge drying up nicely - do you want it? Hurry up because it's bin night here in Brussels!

livesbythewoods said...

Dragondays, thank you but no. Ours has now been broken up for parts, the end is nigh.

Isabella Golightly said...

Rotary cutters, alas, are not for trimming tree stumps or ploughing the 40 acre field, they are for cutting straight lines through fabric quickly and easily, and also doing the same to your fingers. Bloody sharp, and potentially lethal. I promise I will post a picture on my blog this year. Early, like, so you don't get bored with waiting. Happy Whatever!

livesbythewoods said...

Isabella, I think I have one of those, never taken out of the wrapper. It's a bit like a pizza cutter but for fabric? Now that I know how deadly they are, mine can stay where it is.