Thursday, 19 March 2009

Too much to swallow

I know articles like this are put in the press precisely to engender reaction, but really.

How can anyone claim that they don't know how to lose weight? Eat less, move around more.

It's hardly rocket science.

Actually achieving weight loss is hard, as I well know, but to bleat that you "don't know how to do it" is a sack of arse.

Of course, it is much easier to sit back and bemoan your lack of knowledge than to actually do something about it, like read a book, or talk to a dietician, or use the internet to look up "weight loss" or "healthy eating on a budget".

Presumably, as 24-stone papa is diabetic he will have access to a specialist dietician who could provide things like healthy eating guidelines, lists of foods to avoid, maybe even recipes for suitable meals?

"We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner," says 24-stone mama.

Hmm...I'm no dietician but I can see that stuffing your fat faces with bacon, chips and pies every day is not going to do you any favours. Apparently healthy food is too expensive. Depends how much you eat, I suppose.

I gave their situation a few moments thought, and have some suggestions for them:

Try making jacket potatoes instead of chips. Same quantity, less fat, more fibre. A small improvement which won't cost a fortune.

Try making tuna sandwiches instead of bacon, or even (if you're brave enough to experiment) beans on toast. Again, low fat, high fibre, low cost.

Try buying some apples, chopping them up, and adding them to your breakfast cereal to reduce the volume of processed food and increasing your vitamin intake.

None of them seem to have much to do all day, so they have time to get an allotment and grow some fruit and veg if they want to. Exercise, fresh air, low cost food and spending quality time together.

I should write a book.

I might try using the "too fat to work" excuse next time I can't be bothered doing something tiresome.

"Sorry, I am too fat to load/unload the dishwasher."

"I'd love to peg out the washing, but alas, I am too fat."

"Nope, can't go to the supermarket, I am too fat to push a trolley."

"I'd love to come along to your five-hour legal presentation but, sadly, I am far too fat."

"I am simply too fat to go and weed the garden. Sorry. You can see how it is."

I'm sure everyone will be most understanding.


badgerdaddy said...

'd love to be the web editor for that site. I hovered my mouse over the link to see if the file name gave away its content so I wouldn't have to use up any words by reading it, and lo:

Now THAT'S a file name.

badgerdaddy said...

And now I've had a look at the article... Fuck me, they are fat.

livesbythewoods said...

Too fat to work, apparently. But not to microwave pies every day.