Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Slippery customer

Picture the scene. A large lady of a certain age* is resting on a satin chaise longue**, reading an improving book*** and nibbling on candied fruits****. From time to time she coughs delicately***** into a fine lace handkerchief.

Her beloved spouse returns to the family home, flushed with the success of his latest garnering mission.

"Hello darling" he says, cheerfully, bending to kiss his radient wife gently on the cheek.

"Hello darling," she replies. "Did you find what you needed at Mole Valley Farmers? I know you wanted to examine their range of excellent solid fuel stoves and fireplaces." We talk like that in the WithaY household.

"Oh yes," he replies. "But look what else I got!"


What does one say? No etiquette book I've ever read covers this eventuality.

The man is away at the weekend for a 3 week trip in a boat off the coast of Mexico, tagging huge fuck-off sharks. With a load of divers. And he comes home from Mole Valley Farmers with a litre of lambing lube.

For his wetsuit, I now know.

Well, I had to ask.

**red sofa
***Terry Pratchett
****digestive biscuits
*****makes noises like a cat bringing up a furball


Slyde said...

yeah sure... i use my lube on my wetsuit, too... we ALL do...

Jon said...

I'd sleep with one, nay both eyes open if I was you.

livesbythewoods said...

Slyde...I hear it's perfect for those awkward moments where you realise you've eaten a few too many pies.

Jon. I can sleep while he's in Mexico. Till then, I am fully alert at all times.

BEAST said...

I want some lambing lube now... it must be a boy thing . Be careful with those candied fruits they can give one terrible wind

livesbythewoods said...

Beast, wind is the least of my worries while a litre of lambglide is in the house.