In which I share sad news

Well, this is a post I really hoped I wouldn't have to write for many years.  My beloved, lovely, Mum died last month.  It was very sudden, and unexpected and a huge shock to us all.  She was only 70, which is (as people keep telling me) no age at all, but her health had become very poor in recent years. As you may remember, we all caught the flu when she was here at Christmas, and I don't think she recovered from that fully.

I'd been down to spend the day in Sussex with her, and we had a pleasant relaxing time together, I ferried her to a few medical appointments, we had tea, watched all the various afternoon TV shows she liked, then treated ourselves to an Indian takeaway for supper, before I headed home again in the late evening.

That night she became ill, called an ambulance and was admitted to the superb St Richard's hospital where they tried to find out what the problem was. I was worried she might have had a heart attack, but after a day or two of tests they said she had "an infection" later specified as cellulitis.  Mum had cellulitis several times, a complication of a longstanding diabetic ulcer on her foot, and despite it being a nasty thing, I was relieved as she'd been treated for it successfully before.

To cut a long and sad story short, despite getting the best possible care, she passed away a few days later, with her family around her.  It was peaceful, dignified, gentle, and she was in no distress, which is about as much as any of us can hope for I think.

We held the funeral on a gloriously sunny day in August, and many friends, family and members of her church attended to pay their respects. I will miss her more than I can say.

I take comfort from the thought that she is reunited with my Dad, who died so many years ago, and who she loved all her life.

Grief is a strange thing.  I have hours, and now even half-days, where I feel fine, almost as if I have forgotten what has happened, and then a wave crashes over me and I am inconsolable.  I know it will get easier, but my God, it's hard at the moment.

I was supposed to be down in Sussex this week to help my sisters sort out some of the paperwork, but as if by magic, I went down with a chest infection at the weekend, and have spent the last 48 hours in bed, coughing wretchedly.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I have avoided the Black Lung since I stopped working in London, and now it reappears.  Thankfully, it seems to be receding again within a week, unlike the 3-month visitations of yore, but it scared me badly.

Two positive things:

1)  Our holiday in Japan, which was booked a while ago, is now a shining beacon of "something to look forward to" even more than it already was.

2)  I joined a local spa/gym at a country hotel nearby a few days after I went down to visit my Mum and going swimming there has been very helpful.  I recently sold my Rickenbacker 12-string, so had some "extra" money in the bank, and used it to pay for a year's membership and I am so glad I did, as it means I have somewhere to go that has no associations with anything else in my life. It helps.

Starstruck

Back up in London today, after what feels like years, what with my time off work and the recent trips to Bristol.  It was tiring, but no more so than I expected, and I felt far more able to deal with work stuff than  I have for a long time.  I even managed to consider some knotty work problems without deciding I ought to write a letter of resignation.  So, progress.

And, as a bonus, when I left the house this morning, there was a glorious bright moon, and a sky full of stars.  Lovely. 

Which brings me neatly to what I wanted to tell you about:  an iPhones application called Planets.  It shows you which planets in our solar system are visible at night - if you look at it during the day it just shows the Sun.  The two bright stars I saw low in the sky this morning were Jupiter and Venus, I learned. 

If you look at the Globe option, it shows you the Earth as it looks at that moment - right now it is dark over Europe and you can see all the lights on the continents.  The Americas are currently in daylight.  It's fascinating, and I love it.  You can also see photos (from giant space telescopes, I assume) of the planets, and rotate them around with your fingertip to see how they look from all angles.  It's hugely pleasing. 

Other, sad news.  Youngest Sis's lovely little dog Charlie passed away unexpectedly yesterday.  He was a charmer, and will be missed.

Black like a raven's wing

It's been a rather odd day today, one way and another.

The shitstorm from Hades aftermath continues to make life more stressful than it ought to be, despite people being very helpful.

I did some ironing in the late afternoon, trying to use displacement activity as a means to stop myself fretting. It worked up to a point, but while I was doing it, I ended up watching "How Clean Is Your House" again. Gah. There were two episodes, back to back, including an update on the idiots who lived in ankle-deep shit that I saw the other week.

A year on from the first programme, they live in slightly less shit, but are still idiots.

Had a fab guitar lesson tonight, which lifted my spirits considerably. We played a very nice version of "Paranoid" which was great fun, I learnt the riff for "Communication Breakdown" and we played (and I sang) "Son of a Preacher Man" a few times, and it sounded lovely.

So yay for music being a soul reviving joy in a dark bleak world.

I'm hoping the weather tomorrow is dry as we need to get the hedge out the back tided up. It's encroaching wildly into the garden and makes the place look dreadful. It'll only take an hour with the hedge cutter* but we haven't had a dry enough window of opportunity for about 3 weeks now.

And, of course, we have a Village Fete competition entry to start thinking about.


*assuming we have no trips to Casualty, of course

Update

Have been down in Sussex for a few days, where my lovely Mum is seriously ill in hospital. Not going to go into detail, but we are all very worried indeed.
Middle and Youngest Sis have been (and continue to be) incredible, while all the nieces and nephews are doing everything they can to help out. Mr WithaY, Bro-in-Law and Bloke-in-Law are towers of strength.

Thankfully so far we've only had any two out of the three of us in floods of uncontrollable tears at once, leaving the third to pat supportively and make cups of tea.

I came home this evening and am heading back down to Sussex again for a few days on Monday morning. Work are being great, and I will try to arrange some even-more-flexible working once I know what the slightly longer-term situation looks like. I'm going to take my work laptop with me so I can at least try to keep on top of emails and stuff if possible. To be honest, though, it's rather hard to focus on work right now.

Thanks for the kind thoughts, they are much appreciated.

Hopefully, normal service will resume before too much longer.

Other news: Fucking idiot women drivers on roundabouts. TWICE on the way home tonight I had to brake sharply on roundabouts (where I had right of way) to prevent potentially tragic t-bone stylee accidents when fucking halfwit women pulled out in front of me. I was in no mood to smile sympathetically and wave them through with a smile. They got glared, gesticulated and sworn at. Fuckwits.

Grumpy

I hate my job.

Had a big meeting today which left me feeling like all my senior colleagues think I'm an incompetent fuckwit.

Yeah, I know it probably isn't how they really feel, but it's how I feel today.

Arse.

Tired. And emotional.

Working at home again today. Was upset and still awake at 2am, then woke up again at 5. So feel tired today. Luckily I have plenty to do, and had a chat with my lovely boss on the phone this morning to arrange some work stuff for the next few days.

Kevin the decorator has finished the ceiling in the spare room, put the first coat of paint on all the woodwork, and done the first coat of paint on the walls. Pale blue, if you were wondering. It might be finished tomorrow which gives me time to get the floor cleaned, the rug back down (no carpet yet) and rebuild the furniture before Mr WithaY gets home on Friday night.

I have been drafting another mega presentation which I have to give to a Very Important Person next week, and before that at a pre-meeting meeting, so I need to get a copy to my boss by the end of today so he can "edit for tone".

Trouble is, I keep looking at it and thinking "this is unbearably boring" which doesn 't bode well for my audience. I need to inject some passion into it. Then it will be EXCITING and DYNAMIC and NOT SHIT.

I wish I was on the other side of the world. *sigh*

Still, my gorgeous guitar teacher is coming over later and I will enjoy playing with him. In a manner of speaking.