Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Newspaper review

The local paper has been most informative of late.

Outcry Over Regalia Cost is a story all about the mayor having a new chain of office, and people getting grumpy because it will be expensive.  Over £1,200 to be exact.  That's a lot of chain.  But there's more to it than that...  The mayor has asked for a new chain because the old one is too heavy.  She wants "a lighter chain attached to a collar,"  a request which has provoked "fury" from some of her colleagues.  One of them was quoted as saying "People in the town have heard what has happened...and are furious.  The Westbury online forums are full of comments."


That should stop those pesky chain-buyers...a bunch of ranting Westbury dwellers on a variety of forums (fora?  forii?) arguing the toss in cyberspace.  Yeah.

The thing that has particularly caught my attention, other than the idea that a good pet shop could probably provide a nice light collar and chain for about £12, is the fact that there is more than one forum for the people of Westbury to vent their fury on.  Who'd have though it?

Historic Monocle Unearthed makes you think there's an Indiana Jones-stylee story coming, maybe involving the undead guardians of some forgotten tomb, or a bunch of fanatical ninja priest warriors, all sneaking round West Wiltshire in pursuit of the Monocle of Doom.  But no.  It's a bit of photography kit used by William Fox Talbot, "found" at Lacock Abbey, where he lived and worked.  So not so much "unearthed" as "moved a few things and there it was, right where he left it. "  How disappointing. 

Post Office To Fish Shop Plan is a collection of words which, when put together, make no sense whatsoever.  When you read the supporting paragraph, all becomes clearer.  It's a planning application.  Dull.

Other headlines to spark mental images:

Pavement to be widened
Thief Disturbed
Bingo Fun
Census Plea
Accordian Night
Spinning Fun
Historians Meet

This week, though, the prize for "non news item" goes to this, which I make no apology for repeating in full:

Parked car block.  A poorly-parked Honda 4x4 blocked Kingsfield in Bradford-on-Avon from 10am for several hours on Friday before being towed away by police.


Wiltshire.  Where no news really is good news.

Other news:  We had a call from the police this afternoon.  The thieving bastards who robbed the garage at the weekend have pleaded guilty to the charges and are due to be sentenced in the Crown Court soon.  Excellent.  The police rang to thank us and to say that "your call was extremely valid" which was nice of them.  Also the lovely people at the garage have given us some wine as a thank you for being helpful and community-spirited. 

I think we should get capes and masks.

And utility belts.


Isabella Golightly said...

And then you can feature in the newspaper as 'The Caped Crusaders of [insert name of town here] strike again!. Can't wait for that. Also, if you do get capes etc I want pictures.

livesbythewoods said...

I will ensure that if we ever don Spandex crime-fighting outfits, photographs will be taken.