As news stories go, this one is pretty splendid:
Frozen 18kg kebab stolen from Trowbridge takeaway
Astonishingly, it's not from our local paper, either...it's from the BBC website. Honest. Take a look.
The description of the kebab made me snort tea out of my nose. No charge for that image, blog fans.
"How big was the kebab, sir? We need a description for the Wanted posters."
"Hmm...pretty big, officer. Yeah, pretty big, I'd say."
"Pretty big? Can you be more specific at all, sir?"
"It was massive. And made of meat."
"Massive...meat... Ok, sir, got that. Anything else? Any distinguishing features?"
"Let me think...it was sort of meat-coloured I suppose. And massive. Did I already say that?"
"Yes, you did, sir."
"Oooh! It had a metal skewer through it. A massive one. Metal coloured."
"Excellent, thank you sir. We'll get that description out immediately. If you receive a ransom demand, please let us know."
I also love the idea that people might be offered "kebab meat in suspicious circumstances." You mean, other than at 2am from a food-vending caravan staffed by a sweaty man who has giant vats of chilli sauce close at hand?