Monday, 2 August 2010


It comes a a bit of a shock to a Telegraph and BBC news website reader like me when you find a link that leads you to a story like this

It's not so much the story, I suppose, it's the style of writing.  As I read it (and believe me, I read it right to the end) I couldn't help but admire the skill with which the journalist had picked their words. Short words, granted, but all of them doing exactly what was intended.  To make the reader feel both repelled, outraged and sorry for the woman and her family. 

Well, maybe not sympathy for the woman in question; the article is pretty strongly taking the "she was scoffing pie and chips and screaming for cake while the nurses begged her not to kill herself with lard" line of approach.

However much I dislike this style of journalism, it really does get the job done.  Now I feel like I need to boil my eyes in bleach.

Anyway, on a less depressing note, I have picked this up from Fweng at I Hate The Earth.  When he's not whingeing he's rather amusing, especially when writing about people shoving things up his arse*. 

A wishlist.  Seven Things I'd Change About Myself:

1)  Dexterity and grace.  Maybe then I'd fall over a bit less often, slice a few less lumps off myself and not have so many "walking into lamp-post" moments.

2)  Non-bloodshot eyes.  I've always had eyes that look like they've got maps of the Central Line tattooed on my eyeballs, which, according to my optician, indicates healthy bloodflow, but I'd rather have pure sparkly whites.  Maybe I can get them bleached, like teeth. 

3)  A longer attention span.  I blame the Internet...hey...a Polo!

4)  More intelligence.  I know I'm not stupid, but I am woefully ignorant in oh so many areas, and the stuff I do know only makes me aware of my lack of knowledge. 

5)  Perfectionism.  I am not a perfectionist.  Well, not in any way that matters.  I get arsey if napkins aren't folded up nicely, or, to pick a random example from the ether, if someone leaves his tie rolled up on the coffee table when he gets in from work, but in general I am too relaxed about stuff.  Some stuff.  I could do with a bit of completer-finisher perfectionism.

6)  A better sense of the appropriate.  I am too often the only person laughing when something untoward happens.  That's not good. 

7)  The ability to turn a three-line great idea into a 600 page bestseller.  And then two more. And then a second trilogy, cashing in on all the die-hard fans.  It'd be great.

*I think it's a perfectly natural human reaction to find that funny.  And if it's not, well, I don't want to know about it.


Cynical Scribble said...

I seen where the link went and didn't click. It's a bad, bad newspaper.

In an ideal world the BBC would block any news aggregators they have from linking there. Although in the interests of impartiality and all that stuff probably means they can't.

*stops paying license fee*

fwengebola said...

"The more I learn, the more I learn how little I know" - Socrates
"The more you know, the less you understand"- Lao-Tse

Where did I learn that? Yahoo Answers. Disgraceful.

I like your wishlist. Clearly everything's well.