Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Exits

If I was going to make a dramatic exit from my job, how would I do it, I wonder?

This guy seems to have already taken the best option.  I think as dramatic resignations go, swearing at people who were being abusive, then leaping out of an aircraft using the emergency slide has got to be up on the top five.  Oh, and grabbing some beer on the way out.  He was channelling the spirit of John Belushi for that one.

So.  Assuming not all of us have access to an emergency aircraft slide, how could we leave a job in a similarly stylish manner? 

Office drone:  Deliberately misplace the decimal points in a long term costs projection to cause maximum disruption in the future, hoik the muffins from the hospitality basket and slide down the corridor on your laptop like a luge sled, smashing through the lift doors to freedom.

Farmer:  Mow the word "Arse" into the wheat, steal all the baler twine to sell on the black market, then crash your combine harvester through the hedge and head for the bright lights and the big city.  At 7 miles an hour.

Surgeon:  Get to the end of a tricky triple bypass operation, then throw your scalpel at the wall so it sticks, juddering loudly, stuff all the cotton wool balls into your pockets and roar off into the distance in your Ferrari.

Zookeeper:  Release the bonobo monkeys into the King penguin enclosure, then roar off into the distance on a stolen lion.

Yeah, that's not as easy as I thought it would be.  I'll stop there.

Other news:  The bathroom is finished, and once it has a new coat of paint it will be lovely once again.  I am particularly pleased with the grab rail over the bath.  I no longer feel as though I am taking my life in my hands when I get in and out.

Also, properly started (finally!) my new job, and have been up in London this week.  I'd forgotten what an absurdly long journey it is.  I must be mental.  MENTAL.  I've not risked the Tube yet, so I have been taking taxis to and from the office and Waterloo Station. It's expensive but at least I feel safe, and not likely to topple down an escalator due to my ongoing ankle instability. 

This week I have mostly been reading Conan the Barbarian ebooks on my phone on the train.  I wish I was a barbarian.  I really do.  I'd be great at it.  I could shout "Crom!" and have iron thews.  I just need a bit of training.  Maybe a barbarian mentor. 

He could wear a leather 3-piece suit and carry his sword under his arm like a rolled up umbrella. 

6 comments:

cynicalscribble said...

I read about the cabin crew guy yesterday. It's brilliant!

Surely a pilot parachuting out of a plane would be a good way to resign too? :D

B.E. Earl said...

I used to love those Conan books from Del Ray when I was younger. Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Cimmerian, etc...

Robert E. Howard ruled...and died way too young.

Mrs Jones said...

God, I LOVE Conan the Barbarian - it's a guilty-pleasure film and one I never, never tire of watching. It's crossed my mind on more than one occasion that I should read the books....

badgerdaddy said...

I'm rather taken with the idea of roaring into the distance on a stolen lion.

Middle Sis said...

I applaud that air crew guy. Shame he's being prosecuted. I couldn't storm out of my job without looking like a complete cad. I need a career change, I like the bonobo/penguin scenario. Can I utilise my midwifery skills in a zoo?
Homebirthing aardvarks?

Glad you're back at work. Come and stay if you need to.

livesbythewoods said...

So we all agree - the cabin crew man is a hero, Conan the barbarian ROCKS and we need to get my sister a job in a zoo?

Excellent.